Suspect Insight Forums
Suspect Insight Forums
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Go down
The Lost
The Lost
Level Five
Level Five

The Microdose Empty The Microdose

January 24th 2020, 11:32 am
Message reputation : 100% (5 votes)
T: 16:45

-Hollandia small microdose. Empty stomach.
- trip playlist
-had a great day. I'm very happy. 
-I name him Terry the truffle

Eyeballed a MD from 15g
Not unpleasant taste. Chewed it up good.
Starting to feel something right away.
Ears and neck. Strange aftertaste. Music is chill.

Been on balcony. Nothing yet. Give it 60-90 mins.
Talked to some clouds. Saw a pug, Socrates, Olivander the angel-knight decapitate Lysander the Dragon.
(Still no effect) went inside.
Nothing. Maybe the candy samples I had are the reason. Will wait.
Eating the rest with some OJ.
Down the hatch. Now we wait.
Body high. Mere inclinations of nausea
Nothing crazy
Nothing should be feared.
Nothing also should not be feared.
There shall be ZERO fear.
There is only fear of fear.
Without that, it loses its power
Resisting food until I'm sure this is it.
I have been very introspective.
Still firmly in touch with reality.
Loose body sensation. Jaw and ears pressure.

I feel like how it must feel to be a Mushroom.
I grow in dark places. In the pit of sorrow, fear, death, suffering, loss, loneliness, vulnerability, loneliness
Mushrooms attach themselves to things. It grows, it connects. The mushroom is nourished. It is valued for what it brings out in others. Courage, discipline, honesty. In comparison, an extract is separate. It is separated from the whole. It lets you dissociate further.
We take on the qualities of what we consune. I became the mushroom.

You go mad when alone. Because you have no frame for normal anymore. Normal compared to what? Mass psychosis is when an entire collective becomes isolated and loses grasp of consensus reality.

I am a mushroom, I grow in dark realities. I saw my inner critics. I gave them a form. A sniveling man in a suit and a fat craven maid. Sneering at everything I do in disgust.

My story is bullshit. There is no me. We are all one. Like deep veins of a plant underground, connecting reaching into the furthest depths. I have no basis in reality without others. Therefore to have a strong sense of me I need to be seen, connected with others. Even if it is a bad connection it defines you and shows you who you are, what to expect when people meet you.

A memory but no enduring sense of self. I could write for hours like this. For what limit does growth have. This act of writing has become an end in itself, an art really.

Brain neurons. Mushrooms growing, connecting connecting NEW neurons. That is the basis for growth. When the BRAIN dies WE die. WE as a whole people, not just individuals.

We are not individuals, WE are together. As a rational thinker, I have my own nature which acts on its own will and reacts to the environment.

Consciousness is not self-aware, there is no self. When we have others there is a self. But if others become me and I become them, we form a bond. Now there is us.

Mushrooms are vulnerable while they are growing. They need to be protected from harm. So it is with us, with me. What me?

The inner critic is the one who suppresses the individual. The individual stands alone. Unique. Disconnected. Alone... Large Powerful but so alone

You become like a mushroom when you eat one
There is a will to power
Pure, distilled, clean, iron will
Untarnished, unbreakable
It shuns contamination and dilution from drugs and pleasantries
It is pure, reliable. The will to govern. The will to rule.

My tolerance is boundless. I can tolerate people, drugs, anything. I need to go to extremes to find something intolerable. Break a law. Anger the inner critics.

Something is spreading through me. Something not me. Something new. It becomes me. I grab it, consume it make it mine. New modes of thinking.

New modes of thinking can be mistaken for external, supernatural phenomena. This is a method for integrating something new into the self. This is the basis for all religion. It is a social growth. It is a partial self integration where the user finds more comfort in detaching something from his sense of self.

Being called a loud eater suppresses the self. The self makes itself distinct by making noise. Jaws go up and down. Tongues have moisture so they make noise. The self wants to be seen. To be heard. Distinct. Above the ambient noise. It uses a variety of methods including personality, character, behaviour, interests, actions, opinions. If it cannot be validated one way it will use more subtle means. 

The paramount goal of the self is to perpetuate its own existence. It can be loved, hated but it cannot be ignored or shunned or suppressed. It will find ways of making itself known somehow, stories perpetuate the self.

I am losing all sense of being [blank]. [Blank] is a name. A story. The self

I want to reach out and grasp for more knowledge like a vine like a plant growth underground. Veins reaching down deep deep deep

Thw will and the self have a relationship. They need each other. The will has no reason for being without a self to actualise.

The self needs will to reinforce itself.

So much meaning is lost without context. You need context for any meaning to take place.

The idea that Freud has already explained these concepts is a suppression of the self. Freud cannot grasp the context of my experience. Not like I can. Not yet. But when he can, there will be no Freud. No self. We will merge into one, shared minds, shared contexts. Identical.

The self looks for new and different contexts to define itself by. But it also wants to share a similar context with someone like itself. An us. Us as an extension of the self. Thus love, sex, child. An extension of the swlf across wide contexts. The self wants to experience itself, on an infinite regression on infinite levels. Folding in on itself.

Stories serve as an anchor.
Society is a long story.
Time is the longest story.
Without a story it all collapses.
Unfamiliar and new are by definition familiar and old. To identify anything you need to be aware of it, making it old. Context.

Science is contextual
Physics is contextual
Time is contextual

I want to stop now. I will sleep.


The moment that the self can be understood better than the self itself, it ceases to be a self

Language is neurons, expanding awareness, context
Level Two
Level Two

The Microdose Empty Re: The Microdose

January 24th 2020, 12:04 pm
wtf kinda unabomber type shit is this
The lord of hunger
The lord of hunger
Level Two
Level Two

The Microdose Empty Re: The Microdose

January 24th 2020, 12:34 pm
what mother of saint god is this?
The Ellimist
The Ellimist
Level Five
Level Five

The Microdose Empty Re: The Microdose

January 24th 2020, 3:37 pm
Message reputation : 100% (2 votes)
It's the deepest layer of truth

First, you see that you are not your thoughts and feelings, but rather the observer of them
Then, you see that you are not a continuous observer with a set identity, but many observers live as they exchange from moment to moment
Finally, you see that there is no observer, there is no "you", there are only sensations arising in awareness
Then after that, even deeper into the ultimate layer of reality, you see that
Jaina Solo is the combat equal of anyone in the Order
Level Four
Level Four

The Microdose Empty Re: The Microdose

January 24th 2020, 4:37 pm
Message reputation : 100% (1 vote)
ILS wrote:My tolerance is boundless. I can tolerate people, drugs, anything. I need to go to extremes to find something intolerable. 

Those extremes being anyone and their dog saying anything bad about Maul and Krayt:/

Weakness is of the mind, and you have not mastered your mind
Sponsored content

The Microdose Empty Re: The Microdose

Back to top
Permissions in this forum:
You can reply to topics in this forum